The Legend of the Cult of the Naked Old Man
by AnaSky2023
Summary: When Ahsoka finds the strangest of everyday occurrences, she is dragged by her master into a sort of gathering to worship it. Slowly, it gathers more followers until it becomes a galaxy-wide unity of people. Finally, Anakin takes over and it all begins to go downhill. Based on a 100% true story. Seriously, this all really happened.
1. Chapter 1

Ahsoka returned to the temple fairly late the previous night. She and Anakin were both pretty tired and agreed to let it die until the morning. Even then, it still seemed too early for the two. It's not like they were doing anything, but recent activity has made it a sort of a habit for them to be up early. Regardless, they _did_ need to catch up; it seemed that said activity was causing a rift between the two and they didn't want to drift apart after building a friendship for so long. They decided to talk over breakfast, thus they both prepared half of the meal each and sat down across from one another. "So," Anakin started casually, "you were out pretty late last night."

"Yeah," she answered. "Nothing special, just wanted to go out for a little while, have some 'me' time, maybe wander the city for a few hours."

"See anything interesting?"

"Well... I saw something that was pretty bizarre." As if coaxing her to continue, his eyes averted up towards her. "On my way back, I saw this... old guy. He almost looked naked from the angle I saw him. He seemed pretty nice, so I waved at him as I passed by." Her master's eyes widened and his voice had taken a turn from casual to almost secretive.

"Did he wave back?"

"Uh... yes?" She watched as his fork dropped on the table with a metallic clattering sound. Here it comes: "Don't talk to strangers, Ahsoka", "He could have been a pervert, Ahsoka", "Haven't the youngling classes taught you anything about safety in crowded cities, Ahsoka", and so on and so forth. What she did not, nor could not, predict was her master's _true_ reaction to the strange occurrence.

He rose from his seat, took a few bells out of nowhere, and flailed them wildly as he screamed running out of the door, "NEW MEMBER! THERE'S A NEW MEMBER!" She watched with a questioning gaze as he ran wildly down the corridor. What did that even mean? More importantly... what just happened? And why?

Suddenly, an unseen figure emerged from the shadows behind her and blinded her with a bag over her head without being detected. All of this over some naked old man on the side of the street? Seriously? He probably wasn't even naked! It just really looked like it for the split second she saw him. Was it some form of elaborate punishment for waving at some supposedly nude elderly man? She wouldn't put it past Anakin, if that were the case, it was definitely something he'd do.

Without the bag being removed, she felt herself walking down the temple corridors. It almost seemed like a familiar trek, but she couldn't place the destination. It was a good ways away from her room, but she and her captor were both silent. She didn't want to risk any danger after finding out Bane had exploited temple security weaknesses. Plus, there was a subtle familiarity to it all, minus her head being covered. She'd just have to wait and see what happened.

Finally, she heard a door open and stopped a small ways into the room she had just entered. "Remove the bag," she heard a familiar voice, likely Obi-wan's, tell her captor. Finally, she could see here she was, but it almost seemed like what she had heard of a knighting ceremony, but no one had their light sabers ignited; everyone in front of her was sitting in a circle with cloaks on and hoods concealing their faces from the young teen. However, despite this, she could tell two of the hooded figures were definitely Anakin and Obi-wan. Behind her, she saw Mace holding the sack that once concealed her sight.

"If this is some crazy discipline scheme for waving at a naked old man, I promise it'll be the last time," she spoke nervously.

"You didn't tell her after she told you?" Obi-wan asked the man next to him.

"He accepted her," he replied in a voice that was definitely Anakin's, "forgive me for getting over-excited about such an occurrence." Now she was _really_ confused.

"Fine, _I'll_ tell her." Obi-wan stood and approached her slowly, then took down his hood. "Ahsoka Gabriella Tano, last night you have born witness to the Naked Old man."

"Where the Hell did you get Gabriella from?"

"Though we have never mentioned it to you before, He speaks to both myself and your Jedi teacher. We are the spiritual guides for the Society... the Society of the Naked Old man."

"Seriously, I don't even have a middle name. Where did Gabriella come from?"

"In the Society, it is considered an automatic accepting if one should wave to the Naked Old Man and He should return your wave. Thus, we have brought you to our meeting sanctuary to ask that you join us."

"That just came out of nowhere. Gabriella? Really?" Getting annoyed with her one track of thought, Anakin finally spoke to Ahsoka.

"Snips, enough about the name and answer the man: are you joining the Society or not?"

"...Okay, couldn't hurt."

"Wonderful!" he spoke as he rose and stood by Obi-wan. "Here's your robes, wear them every meeting that isn't Friday; here's your Society t-shirt, wear it every Friday; and here's your free Naked Old Man macaroni art set, complete with noodles, paper, and glue. Refills for the macaroni set can be found at any craft store for when you run out, you are to bring these supplies daily to our meetings." As he spoke, he handed her the items one by one, filling her arms with the inexplicable combination of what seemed to be necessities to this Society.

"Also," Obi-wan interjected when Ahsoka's vision was obscured with what she could only imagine was the Naked Old Man slippers, travel cup, and Monopoly board game her master was trying to slip into the pile, "should you see anyone who is an enemy to the outside, you are not to act upon it. Here, we are all connected by the Naked Old Man. Here, in the Society, we put our differences aside for the grace and majesty that is the Naked Old Man." She agreed, though she was still exceedingly confused as to what was going on.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, as with any other early hour of the weekday from now until who-knows-how-long, the Society gathered for a meeting. Naturally, even Ahsoka had to attend because, well, she was "accepted by the Naked Old Man". She still didn't quite understand the whole ordeal. She was honestly questioning if she'd walk into the council chambers and the council would be meeting like any other day, only to find out this was just an elaborate ruse, or if this was serious. At this point, she didn't know which she would prefer.

She adorned herself in her normal attire, but carried the official Society of the Naked Old Man cloak stealthily with the paper, glue, and dried noodles. Why macaroni art anyway? Just... what the Hell was with everyone and this little gathering? Especially since they have Dooku as a member... their sworn enemy is a member of a group preaching unity and love, according to what Ahsoka could assess from yesterday.

About halfway through the corridor, she saw Anakin walking the same way she was, except he carried a backpack which supposedly held his materials. She approached him, feeling that she should since he knew more about this than she did. "Hey, Master," she greeted as she caught up to him.

"I see you remembered the Society meets today," he answered.

"How could I forget? I wanted to ask you a little about it, if that's okay."

"We try not to address it out in the open."

"You ran down the halls screaming with bells yesterday, but suddenly it's a secret?"

"It's always been a secret. You see, I never directly addressed the Naked Old Man once out in the halls. It's okay to act on the Society so long as it's not directly addressed. In fact, we could get in trouble for merely discussing it's secrecy."

"Couldn't you change that rule? You _are_ a leader."

"Obi-wan and I would have to discuss it among ourselves. I'm only a co-leader...person."

"Oh, okay. How did you guys end up as the leaders anyway?"

"We're the founders. I'll explain after the meeting starts."

"Fair enough." As soon as the conversation ended, they discovered that they were standing in front of the council chambers. They slipped the cloaks on before walking inside where everyone else was already gathered around with the hoods over whatever other clothes they were wearing.

"Behave," he whispered to her, "being accepted by the Naked Old Man himself is a great honor. Act like it."

"Whatever you say."

* * *

The Society anthem at the beginning of the meeting didn't turn out so great. Apparently, pointing out that older male members can see a naked old man by taking their clothes off and looking in a mirror is _not_ the best thing to say out loud on your first day. If only Anakin never forgot that he promised to discuss the Society with her before he ended up getting held up in other affairs.

There were two other females around who stuck together in their own corner of the room, they seemed to do nothing but sit there and whisper amongst themselves, but Ahsoka figured that whatever they were saying was likely easier to understand than anything else going on. She walked over, yet started to shyly hesitate when a few of them saw her. However, one of them gestured for her to come over to the couple. Once she got closer, they were both familiar faces under their hoods, but it was strange to see them in this setting.

"So..." Barris asked her quietly once she sat down, "new member, huh?"

"Yup," she answered with a nod.

"Did you actually see him or did your master just get you in because he wanted to."

"No, I saw him."

"Then do you understand what's so great about him?" Shaak Ti jumped in.

"Not really, he just seemed like any regular old man to me. Is there something special about him?"

"We don't know," Barris spoke again. "From what we can understand, everyone here saw him, had a laugh about it, and then somehow ended up here. I'm sure we both agree with what you said to the Count earlier"

Shaak Ti raised her hand and spoke. "I'm just here to make sure nobody dies," she said plainly.

"What do you mean?" Ahsoka asked.

"Do you trust these guys with this kind of authority?"

"In battle, yes. Anywhere else, not in a million years."

"Exactly. We mostly just sit here and discuss anything we've heard about any of the members."

"Speaking of which, I think Anakin mentioned something about recruiting Senator Amidala, if he can."

"Do you know when?"

"He's aiming for next Friday at the latest."

"Wait, wait, wait," Ahsoka interjected. "If the Society is a secret, how can someone recruit someone else?"

"Take them to where the Naked Old Man is normally seen and show them," Shaak Ti answered. "You don't have to tell anyone where you're taking them or what they'll see as long as they see him. That way it's still secret."

"Normally, Anakin and Obi-wan do it, but anyone is allowed to expand the circle. I give it another week before this turns into a religion."

"There's almost enough people joining regularly for it to be a religion, now that you mention it. At this rate, it very well _might_ become one."

"What happens if it does?"

"We have no idea. All we know is no good can come out of it with your master and Obi-wan in control of it all."

"I can believe that. So this is all the Society does?"

"Well.. sometimes Barris and I do that whole macaroni picture thing, only because we don't want to get in trouble for not doing it."

"I would _love_ to know how that started."

"Wouldn't we all, my friend. Honestly, I doubt Anakin and Obi-wan were serious, or even sober, when they came up with it and ended up just going with it because they needed something."

"What makes you think _any_ of this was made from a place of authenticity?" Barris asked.

"Good point. Speaking of masters, how long until _yours_ joins?"

"Who knows? Depends on how many times she leaves the temple in the near future. Otherwise, there's no telling."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay, I really tried with this first scene to make it vague enough for the T-rating to stay as it is. If it's not, I'll cut my losses and move it, but please still read it if I do. This is hopefully the only instance I will ever do something like this in this story.**

 **AmySky1723**

Anakin and Padme were in the middle of a steamy, romantic, much-needed rendezvous. Aside from the Society meetings holding him up as a leader, Anakin has been sent out fairly often lately and seemed to only have time back when Padme wasn't even around. However, they managed to find a moment where they were able to meet once again, and everything was simply perfect. Their skins glistened with sweat and their movements were filled with pure devotion for the other. While it all started in the most incredible way for them, it didn't quite end as such.

As soon as Anakin leaned forward towards Padme's ear and absentmindedly whispered into it, everything went downhill and it could not have done so any quicker if they attempted to. Apparently, the Society was stuck with a huge portion of Anakin's life so much so that it influenced his thoughts to revolve around anything naked, old, and man-like. Naturally, when one hears their husband say "Show me your old man sausage" during times of intimacy and this causes him to reach a climax, especially when they are women in their twenties, there would be many concerns swimming through one's mind. One of the most prominent would likely be "How did my life ever come to this?" or "What have I done to deserve this?" or other questions of the sort.

When this happened to Padme, that was exactly what happened in her mind. "I'm going to go take a shower and rethink my life," she spoke aloud once they had been laying in silence for a moment. Apparently, taking a shower while rethinking your life after such an instance is a process lasting over four hours of being curled up in a tight ball while water droplets rain down on one's skin. She dreaded the moment when she had to step out and face her husband once more, but figured he was probably already asleep at this point. She slipped on a robe and prepared herself for bed however she needed to.

However, against all expectations, he stood ready for her at the bathroom door. "Padme, I need to show you something," he blurt out as he grabbed her shoulders.

"What? How long have you been standing there?"

"No time to explain. If we hurry, we can catch Him." She had no time to protest before she was dragged by the wrist to the speeder parked outside. Hurriedly, Anakin strapped her in and hopped inside for himself. Next thing she knew, they were off. For a while, Padme rode silently and did her best to contemplate what was going on without asking. However, this was not an ideal situation to do so.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"We're going to see Him."

"Who? "

"You'll know when we get there."

"You're not going to dive us into a wall and kill us or something, are you?"

"And have you miss out on His majestic gloriousness? Not a chance."

"Whose 'majestic gloriousness'?"

"I can't tell you directly! You have to see Him for yourself."

"I am _so_ confused right n-."

"THERE HE IS! LOOK! IT'S HIM!" Padme looked to where Anakin kept pointing. Though it was only a quick glance, she saw an elderly man on the side of the road. From the angle she saw him, he appeared to be without clothes, but knew that couldn't be the case.

"It's an old man," she spoke bluntly.

"No! It's not just _any_ old man. It's theNaked Old Man."

"Ani, have you been doing drugs? Because I'm worried about you."

"Oh, I've not done any drugs, but I'm definitely high. High on the Naked Old Man's glorious majesty."

"Wh-what?" He took her hands happily in his cybernetic while his true hand kept on the wheel.

"Now you can join the Society of the Naked Old Man, Padme! Do you know how amazing this is?"

"I... but... uh... _What?_ "

"Just show up at the temple tomorrow, we can recruit you immediately when the meeting starts. In fact, I'll drive you over so we can get there together. I brought my robe just for us to carpool if you saw the Naked Old Man."

"Oh... Okay? Can we go home, now? I've had enough excitement for one day."

"Of course, Love. We have a big day tomorrow." With a quick kiss on her cheek, Anakin returned the two of them home.

* * *

"PADME! GET UP! WE GOTTA GO!" It was too early for this. If it was going to be that kind of morning, the least Anakin could have done last night was let her sleep earlier than he did. Instead of rising for the day, Padme rolled over away from the windows and pulled the blanket over her head. "Padme, don't make me pull you out of this bed." In response, she groaned and turned further away. "OK, you asked for this." He reached under the pillow and grabbed her ankles. Then, in one sudden movement, he pulled her ankles and she fell to the floor.

"Ani, no, it's too early."

"It's never too early to express love for the beautiful and majestic Naked Old Man. Now get up before I make you."

"I thought you already did that."

"No, I pulled you out of bed. Now you're just on the floor. Get up."

"Don't wanna."

"Padme, I'm not going to tell you again. Get up."

"No. Must sleep." A moment later, she flew through the air. She didn't quite know what happened in that time, but her clothes were different and she was in Anakin's arms when she finally landed. She also couldn't quite place when they started to leave the room and board the speeder, but they had done just as they did the previous evening. They took off, Padme giving only one simple request to her husband.

"Please, don't kill me."


	4. Chapter 4

"So this is really it?" Padme asked after a week of being in the Society. "We just sit around talking about the Naked Old Man and making macaroni art?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Ahsoka answered. "At least, that's how it's been as long as I've been here."

"We've had a few 'sermons', I guess you could say," Barris answered in response, using two fingers on each hand to emphasize her use of "sermon". "Anakin and Obi-wan stalk the poor guy, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that, and we all get together when they 'learn' something new about Him."

"Wait, stalk?"

"Yup. They get in a speeder and drive around. One of them has a notepad and the other has binoculars. I'm not joking, sometimes they switch out with other members when one of them gets tired."

"Yeah, that's totally not creepy and illegal."

"What if He finds out?"

"My guess is He'd think they're joking. If you found out there was an entire religion based around someone seeing you on the streets, you'd think it was a huge joke, too."

"You shouldn't talk like that where they can hear you, young one," Shaak Ti finally spoke once she heard them. "They'd punish you severely if they heard talk like that, especially from either of us." Woefully, she sighed, for she knew the older woman was right.

"True."

"What _is_ the punishment, anyway?" Ahsoka interjected. "I've been here for a while and I've never even heard what they do for discipline." Barris went to speak and answer her question with slight hesitation.

"Well, they'd-." She was interrupted by Shaak Ti holding a hand up.

"They would never believe it if we told them, the only thing to do is show them." Her eyes grew wide as she realized what was meant.

"Don't do it. You don't have to do this."

"They'd have to learn some time or another to stay away from it." The master stood, though she seemed quite annoyed by the action. Barris clung to her lower legs to hold her back, but to little avail.

"No, I'm begging you, don't do it."

"Don't do what?" the senator asked. Shaak Ti only released the young adult's grip on her and proceeded to Obi-wan and Anakin, who were making macaroni art of the Naked Old Man.

"She's gonna do it." Barris spoke n defeat as she hid her face away. "I can't bear to watch this."

Shaak Ti stopped next to Obi-wan and Anakin, not even making sure the other girls were watching. "Hey, Kenobi."

"Yes?" he answered as he looked away from the dried noodle and glue picture and turned to her. Anakin also looked up as the women always stayed in their section of the room and never spoke to anyone else. Ever so suddenly, Shaak Ti slapped a hand on Obi-wan's face and kept it laid on his beard as she spoke.

"Your beard is stupid, your face is stupid, and you're stupid." Everyone else in the room gasped in shock and went silent instantly. Even Anakin was speechless, though he normally had a comeback for everything. Obi-wan gave his beard a long stroke towards his chin, even with Shaak Ti's scarlet fingers still latched to his face, while he considered his words.

"Well, you know what? My beard and my face and me in general was a gift from the Naked Old Man, so in insulting me, you're insulting His gifts of my beard, my face, and me in general, and that makes you a witch in our eyes, and there's only one punishment for witches." His words came out rushed, as though he spoke them as they came to his mind. He then turned to Anakin, taking his hand off of his beard. "Get the eggs."

"Egg the witch?" Anakin asked excitedly.

"Egg the witch." The entire Society, minus the girls, all rushed to find supplies for what is known as " The Egging", where anyone who disgraces the Naked Old Man is taped to a wall and has eggs, and sometimes pies and uncooked chicken meat, thrown at them. Why Shaak Ti thought Ahsoka and Padme wouldn't understand that concept or even accept it with the existence of the Society as a whole and their membership in it.

While Shaak Ti was being taped to the wall by about ten different people and everyone else was lining up and grabbing raw eggs out of cartons to throw at the "witch". The women, however, did not, for they were beyond confused with the exception of Barris. She merely hid her face even more into her hand.

The Egging began. The men all cheered as the liquid remains of unborn animals covered the woman taped by her limbs to a wall with rainbow duct tape. The women, on the other hand, only watched with terror as the shells shattered on their friend's body.

"So, when we talk bad about the Naked Old Man," Ahsoka started, "this whole Society turned into a real-life HowToBasic video?" Barris turned her attention to Anakin, who was caressing an egg while making some sort of grunting sound before smashing the shell against his thigh and throwing the yolk to Shaak Ti. One the egg was thrown, he took a whole uncooked chicken, shoved his entire fist inside of it, then threw it, too, at the taped woman.

"Yeah, pretty much," Barris answered.

Obi-wan, meanwhile, stood in the corner away from the chaos, stroking his face and whispering to himself, "Mah beard," repeatedly.

Soon, Anakin realized the women were excluded and approached them with one egg for each of them. "This isn't an option, you three. Egg the witch." Reluctantly, they each took an egg and threw it at Shaak Ti with great remorse. All throughout The Egging, Shaak Ti glared at Ahsoka and Padme, as though this was all their doing when, in fact, they never asked her to do it. Barris even tried to stop her, though seemed to share the blame in the master's eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

"Anakin, I'm pretty sure this is illegal," Obi-wan spoke as he drove the speeder. "I love the Naked Old Man, but I don't think we should be stalking Him."

"Obi-wan, shhh," Anakin answered as he brushed a whole hand across the side of his former Master's face. He would have properly laid a finger over his lips, but he was busy looking through a pair of binoculars at the Naked Old Man. "We must learn His schedule so we can recruit new members as well as more about Him for our holy text. It is His wishes."

"Well, that's good and fine and all, but the Society is not recognized as being above the law. Plus, this just feels really wrong on so many levels."

"Wait, Obi-wan, write this down."

"Okay, what am I writing?" He perked up with pencil in hand, as if all of his worries have just vanished completely upon mention of the Naked Old Man. As to be expected, of course.

"Next to Him, there's a... long, red stick."

"Long... red... stick... What does it mean?"

"What do you think it means? Obviously He's a legendary martial artist and the stick is His weapon of choice."

"But we already said He was a pacifist."

"Now we know why He's a pacifist, He's merciful in not using His skills in anger."

"Of course! He's merciful with his skills! How could I be so blind?"

"You didn't ask me, that's why." For a moment, Obi-wan paused. He spoke after a while of silence when he found his words.

"Listen here, you little shit."

"Not now, Obi-wan. He's walking again." In annoyance, he sighed, but complied with Anakin.

"Where?"

"I can't tell, but it's wherever He normally goes. Or, at least, on the same route."

"Maybe He's going back home to His wife. We know He has one."

"Possibly, possibly."

"Speaking of which, maybe it's a good time to switch with someone."

"Getting tired already?" Anakin asked jokingly. "It's not even midnight."

"It's 2 am." Anakin, for the first time since they found the Naked Old Man, looked away from his binoculars. It was true; the time was, in fact, two hours after the next day had begun.

"Huh. Time goes by when you're learning about your lord and Savior, I guess. Well, let's turn around and we can switch you out for someone."

"Who's it gonna be this time?"

"I was thinking it should be Ahsoka's turn this time around."

"What? She's too new for this."

"But He accepted her before we even knew she saw him. The way I see it, she's the most worthy candidate."

"She's always talking to the witches, thought. I hate to admit it, Anakin, but we might have to give _her_ The Egging." Anakin asked deeply and quite audibly at his friend's words.

"Don't even joke about it. Ahsoka will _never_ side with foul-speaking heretics. Besides, she has to start this _sometime_."

"Fine, we'll go get her. But I won't like it."

"No one cares if you like it or not, Obi-wan."

"...I care." The speeder took off back to the temple after the brief banter. It was silent, aside from the hum of their speeder and the many others around them. Surprisingly, it was busy for being such an early hour of the day. The drive wasn't far, so they returned relatively quickly. Instantly, however, Anakin ran out of the hangar to Ahsoka's room. Obi-wan, on the other hand, passed out in the hallway just three-feet from his room.

Without hesitation, Anakin burst into Ahsoka's room and violently shook her awake, screaming, "Snips! Wake up! You're the lucky winner tonight! Sniiiiiiiiiiips!"

He stopped once he was thoroughly sure she was awake... with a side of pissed off beyond belief. She turned to her nightstand at her bedside where she had a table lamp. Switching it on to see her master's face. "what the Hell is wrong with you?" she hissed.

"Obi-wan bailed on me."

"So?"

"So I need someone to drive and take notes for me. This is important stuff, Snips." Pinching the bridge of her nose in agitation, she sighed and answered him.

"I'm going to regret asking, but I'm going to anyway. Why?"

"Because the Naked Old Man is the most amazing being to be placed in this single galaxy and any other in existence and we need to know everything about his majestic gloriousness and divinity."

"Of course that's what this is about," she muttered. "Give me a second to get up and change and everything and-"

" _ **No time**_!" Not a moment's hesitation was given for Ahsoka to fathom being dragged out of her room in nothing but a long, baggy shirt and and underwear and taken to the speeder. "We go now." Ahsoka turned to him to speak, but found he sat ready with his binoculars in one hand and the notepad in the other, handing it to her.

"You know you dragged me away before I could grab my permit, right?"

"Doesn't matter. We drive. _Nooooooooow_."

"If we get pulled over and I get a traffic ticket for not having my license, you're paying it."

"Whatever, just go." Defeatedly, Ahsoka started the vehicle and they took to the streets. Traffic died off, but only barely and only noticabely if you weren't asleep like and other normal person and wwere instead stalking the Naked Old Man prodigy person like a crazy ex-lover who doesn't understand the concept of a breakup and later gets a restraining order against him or her.

"This is how I go to jail," Ahsoka whispered to herself, "by hanging out with my obsessive man-child of a teacher. How is this my life?"


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, the Society of the Naked Old Man gathered. However, it was unusual as the room was laid out in a way that was uncommon to the two newest members. Everyone else knew what was to come: Anakin and Obi-wan were going to give a sermon. They performed the normal ritual of listening to "I'll be Watching You" by the Police as their anthem, then everyone, excluding Anakin and Obi-wan, sat down. Instead, they stood at a podium in front of the windows to speak.

"Today," Anakin started, "though it pains me to mention it, it must be spoken."

"What shall we discuss that shall muddy the glorious majesty of the Naked Old Man?" someone from the front called out. There was a pause from Anakin, then he turned away from the crowd. However, he turned back when he had given enough time for a cheesy dramatic face turn.

"Hell." The whole room, excluding the women in the very back, all gasped loudly. "Yes, ruled by the Naked Old Man's sworn adversary... I'm talking, of course, about that dog that always sits in the road on our way back here from seeing Him."

"You mean that German Shepard, Golden Retriever and Husky mix?" a teenage boy called out as he stood.

"Yes, that's the one," Obi-wan answered.

"Naked Old Man dammit, I hate that dog."

" _Billy_!" the padawan's teacher barked. "You will _not_ disgrace our almighty ruler."

"Sorry, Master." Billy sat back down quitely, not even speaking once more afterwards.

"It's alright, Sean," Obi-wan told the master. "This is a sensitive subject for everyone. We saw this coming when we agreed to discuss this." The room had gone silent for a moment, leading the two on to continue with their words.

"We have nicknamed this dog... Street Dog," Anakin continued. "He has minions, as well, to lure others into their mindset."

"Who are these minions?" someone else from the crowd asked.

"That elderly couple who live near Senator Organa and are always outside and wave at everyone who passes by even when all they do is glance slightly at them."

"You mean the Jensensmithersenson couple?" Padme called out from the back. Everyone went silent and turned to her, though Padme was undeterred by the looks she received.

With a thunderous slam of his hands on the podium shaking the room and making everyone jump, Anakin screamed out to her, " _ **How do you know their names?!**_ "

"I go to see them once a month. They're really ni-."

" _ **No! Bad! No! That's a bad senator, no!**_ "

"Anakin, save it for Street Dog," Obi-wan told him calmly as he laid a hand on Anakin's shoulder. All of the women in the back were confused, but kept quit to prevent another , possibly worse, outburst.

With a calming breath, Anakin spoke once more. "Street Dog and that elderly couple, **_who we will not name again_** , are fortunately kept at bay by the Naked Old Man, but there are casualties, **_as we can plainly see through certain members of this society_** , who the Naked Old Man frowns upon for associating with his enemies."

"We still need to ask Him how," Obi-wan interjected once Anakin paused to let him speak, "but we must cleanse these people from Street Dog's clouding thoughts."

"Please tell us when you find out, I don't want the Naked Old Man to frown upon me," Billy spoke up. Saying he was silent after the first outburst was a lie, but he was silent for the rest of the sermon.

"We shall, Billy, for all who love the Naked Old Man." At that moment, Anakin realized the women were no longer in the back.

* * *

"Street Dog?" Padme asked out loud. "I know they're not the most creative people out there, but the best they could do was Street Dog?"

"Apparently," Barris answered. "Seriously, though, what;s wrong with the old people they mentioned?"

"Nothing, the Jensensmithersensons are really nice, same goes for their dog. When they go around there, they're just waiting on the elementary school bus with their grandchildren."

"That's Anakin and Obi-wan's fault," Ahsoka spoke.

"What's Anakin and Obi-wan's fault?" Anakin's voice jumped in. All of the women turned to see him standing behind them with an almost comically exaggerated glare shifting between the four of them.

"Oh, we've just been trying to get Ahsoka and Padme, here, up to speed with the Naked Old Man since they were a bit confused. We just didn't want to distract you with their questioning since we knew it was inevitable." Anakin stood there silently for a moment, causing the women to worry that he didn't buy their story. However, he spoke after a moment.

"Smack them when they question His glorious majesty, next time."

"I was about to, honest."

"Good. As you were, then." He turned on his heel and returned to the rest of the Society. Before speaking, the women waited until they were sure he was far enough away from the door that he wouldn't hear their words.

"Anyone else curious if he takes this as seriously as he lets on?" Every one of them answered with a yes without hesitation.

"I've been thinking," Shaak Ti spoke. "If making a religion is as easy as telling people something is a god, we should start our own rival religion."

"Better yet," Padme added, "we wait until the Society gets more members and convince enough of them to follow us. I can just imagine their jealous faces when they find out."

"I say we do it," Ahsoka agreed. "It'll be hilarious."

"Okay, so we'll all keep in contact while we work out the details and wait until there's enough members we can convince."

"Agreed," Padme spoke. All of them shook hands, switching from person to person, and finished just as the sermon and Society meeting was closed.


End file.
